The Do's And Don'ts Of Being My Roommate

Having a roommate is difficult for many reasons.  Maybe your roommate doesn't speak English, maybe they're a nudist, or maybe they're just clinically insane.  Sharing a room with a complete stranger can be really uncomfortable, so I have composed this list of things you should and shouldn't do in order to make living with you as comfortable as possible for the both of us.


- DO have charisma, personality, and most importantly, character.
I like to know that I am living with a person, and not a robot.  With that in mind, try to remember that, as a person, you are expected to be aware, to be courteous, and to be interested in self-improvement.  If these things don't interest you, you need not apply.


- DON'T try to finish my sentences.
I understand that you may be capable of figuring out what I'm going to say as I'm in the process of saying it, and that can be a very beneficial skill; however, saying the last few words of my sentences as I'm trying to say them will confuse and frustrate me, and is best avoided.


- DO be interested in similar things as myself.
Sharing similar interests will be very beneficial to our relationship.  It means that we can have a Star Wars marathon while wearing my RootSuits and playing Scrabble.


- DON'T use my things without first asking me. 
I understand if you need to trim your nails -- I have that need as well from time to time. However, asking to use them as opposed to using them at your own discretion is very much appreciated.  Additionally, please put them back where you found them -- I shouldn't have to go on a scavenger hunt to find my own things.


- DO keep media at a reasonable level when I am trying to study.
Pretty self-explanatory.


- DON'T leave my DVDs out.
I fully consent to you watching my DVDs at your own discretion; however, with that power comes some responsibility.  I keep my DVD collection organized alphabetically and I would appreciate if you would do your best to put them back in the order which you found them.  If Transformers accidentally ends up between Toy Story and Toy Story 3, it isn't that big of a deal. However, (and I cannot stress this enough) if I find that one of my discs is anywhere but in the case or in the DVD player, I. Will. Rage.  I have worked hard to build my collection and I don't think expecting you to respect my DVDs is unreasonable.


- DO set a timer for the TV if you choose to watch something before going to sleep.
If I have to wake up to the sound of The 40-Year-Old Virgin's main menu looping endlessly, I will remove your Xbox 360's hard drive.


- DON'T be naked.
Exceptions to this rule are if you just got out of the shower or if you are changing.  In any case, try to keep it as short as possible.  I don't show you mine, and I would appreciate you not showing me yours.


- DO warn me of impending flatulence.
I see this as being a common courtesy. If we are in a vehicle, simply rolling down the window will suffice.  My own gas makes me uncomfortable, and other peoples' is only worse.


- DON'T sleep in/on my bed for any reason.
I mean it.


- DO clean up after yourself.
I am not your maid, your girlfriend, or your mother.  If something is left in what I deem to be an unacceptable condition, I will let you know about it; if it is left that way for more than 24 hours after that, I will clean up whatever it is and leave it in a pile on your bed.  Consider yourself warned.
Example:
If you pee on the rim of the toilet bowl, please wipe it up.  It happens -- I get it. However, because I grew up with my mother and two sisters, I learned to leave the toilet seat down when I pee, thus my urine does not come into contact with the rim of the toilet bowl:

The clock's ticking. ;)